Pisces Death Fish: 2009

今天醒來。。。

連續4天不夠睡眠，今天連續睡了12個小時。

一醒來感覺身體有莫名的酸痛，眼睜睜看著天花板，一瞬間腦海湧上了一句話：自己爲了什麽奔波？

社會就是那樣的逼迫我們不斷地前進，誰不會為自己向前沖呢？就像昨天看了普門雜誌裏，鄧章欽寫的歐洲和非洲，我們就像他說的歐洲人，即使是再美的風景，再好喝的咖啡，我們也感受不到，因爲我們就是麻木的為自己做著盲目的前進。天地一切都不像非洲人一樣擁有，就因爲他們擁有的簡單生活；我們就像一個傀儡，一個不懂爲了什麽而做什麽的傀儡，被一個現實的社會操控著我們必須前進。是我們忽略了一切身邊的事物，因爲我們從來不曾停下腳步看看周圍的一切，也自然不會去享受，去珍惜，也不會明白知足到底是什麽。

各位，我想告訴大家的是：我們不要只是要前進，有時候也應該停下來看看周圍，看看自己的心；我們不要每次都想要比人家好，也要停下來看看後面還有一些人需要我們拉他們一把。生活的壓力不能避免，只是要看的是我們怎樣去拿捏。

總結：簡單有意義的生活縂比榮華富貴盲目來得更好！祝大家知足常樂。

Happy Birthday

Quite many time my mum asked me what type of 21st party i want. My mum will ask me is not weird, because my 2 brothers had their 21st party in KEC ballroom. I tot that its a coincidence because the company owe my family business money so that my brother got the opportunity to do that. Perhaps its not a coincidence, but my mum still will asking me, she said that no reason that i have no opportunity to do it.

Few weeks ago i gave my 2 friends to had a suprise birthday, actually is a sudden idea come to my brain, if anyone want me to think urgently, i just can say, well, need to see got the fate or not la. I dont have the mood to think about my 21st party celebration and also i tried to escape because still long time to go.haha!

Just come back from a friend and also Buddhist Family members birthday in Pelangi Court pool side. I think is the time to let me have some brainstorming on my own 21st birthday celebration. Need to tell my mum, i think she need to have some preparation, is not the expenses problems cause i will not make it like my brother party so big. Maybe also need to give her some souls preparation. If got the idea, i will post in my blog.

曾经有人说过。。。

原本这个文章题目要写：昨天一点都不Lucky...

之后有人就在旁边加上：我很Lucky

但是嘴巴又加上一句话：你应该写《曾经有人说过。。。》（然后暴笑！）（林美金！笑屁啊！）^.^*sweet*

前天晚上发生了一些小事故，把一切不想被知道的事情结果还是被知道了，或许我认为这话说出来会比较舒服。最近都很迟睡，前天也不例外。可是最糟的是前天晚上3点睡，昨天早上7时就醒了。原因不是因为小事故，原因是给朋友约去了Taman Pertanian Bukit Cahaya.

原本根本不愿意起身的自己，可能因为小事故又再次从脑海一闪，整个人都醒了。逼着自己把眼睛打开，把自己远离那冷冷但又温暖的床，坐起身，发封信息给表哥问他在那里？坐一坐又躺回那如天堂的床上。啊！我可以继续睡吗？

曾经有人说过：只要一早醒来对着镜子笑一笑，今天就会开心，今天会很美。
曾经有人说过：只要一早醒来说自已很lucky，今天就会很lucky...

我之前有养过第一个的习惯，结果自己有点自恋；只是近来睡到刚刚好的时间才醒，所以往往少了这一个步骤。

昨天还没到目的地，朋友车坏，决定发封信息给他顺便告诉自己：Good Morning, Have a nice day and lucky day。

结果

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去到厕所，厕所门坏完，没得排泄

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去到大门才发现原来今天没开~

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决定去动物园、绿野仙踪或者Pulau Ketam，结果有人赶时间去不成
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决定去Pyramid,到了那里

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9点半，还没开！

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店还没开没东西吃，去到Mc.Donald,早餐吃厌了~

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去KFC，肚子很饿，但是没胃口！（只吃了一点点，最近都这样）

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决定和Will Will表哥去溜冰，结果没有带手套

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他们决定去看戏和打保龄球，我和will就去走走，结果

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没带钱，怎样逛街？

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听说yy今天的test cancel

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被逼供，逼了2个小时~

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就这样喝了一杯Root Beer~

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逛了逛玩具摊子，就回家了~

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晚上，去Old Town，结果没有Plug用

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换去Mr.Kaya

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结果没有位子坐，勉强坐外面

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问他：你今天Lucky吗？

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只要你说lucky就lucky

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听说yy的note不见

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总结是好像有点不lucky if 你觉得这一切发生的事是不lucky

但是如果你以平常心对待，根本就是一件不是事的事

我的 Negative

之前写了那个部落格朋友开始对我说我很negative 啊！可是我不觉得咯~只是想表达而已，部落格是发泄的地方，当然一定会有“甜酸苦辣”的啦~也难免你们会觉得我很negative的，因为我的样子就是那种忧郁压力型的中型女人派。哈哈！可能要办酷酷，而办不成，反而让人觉得自己是那样的人或者更糟糕可以被说我是Lan C 的~我的天啊~

前晚上盈伊在OLD TOWN问我：你真的是不管？

公告天下：我说不管就不管，因为我觉得当领导人要有领导人的风范，我现在扮演的是配角，当然不可以抢戏啦! 也因为自己真的很懒惰啦~原谅我的不起劲！

我是双鱼座死鱼！

不知道该怎样形容自己的心情是失望还是累，还是自己已经进入冬眠。

也许没有人了解我，也许我自己根本就有问题？

我只知道我现在什么都懒惰，随便做，不想做。。。

也许可能感觉让人感到压力而自己承受，也可能自己给自己不必要的压力，或许我尝试跟别人分享，也得不到答案。

我？我的我去了哪里？

自己不断压抑自己曾经的过错不再发生在自己身上，即使自己觉得他人做的是错的，不对的也配合别人、迁就别人，为了自己的发愿做改变，到头来没有成就自己发愿，只是避免不再发生不愉快的事，而让自己伤了心。。

多么矛盾的自己，就如曾经自己说过，又有谁知道我已经进入了一个防空洞，除了自己失去了自己，还给人带来烦恼和麻烦，更不能要求别人来了解自己。。

我可以说我不要成立商会吗？（你们没有开过正式的会议就講壓力，你们要我做主席？）
我可以说我要毁掉佛之家吗？（你们所谓优秀的学会，但是又不敢承担压力，没有传承，你们还要说什么？）
还是我要这样做：我要的东西，你们全部都要做到吗？（我不会那么自我，我这样做你们会恨死我！）

今年开始我慢慢苏醒，轰了轰，却让人感觉我的脚步快，我忍着无奈到我变成了你们的脚步，你们却更慢了下来，最惨还给前辈酸：你的脚步不是很快的meh? 我很彷徨，害怕，我开始受不了自己心里的魔，发脾气！！！

现在，现在的我已经死了。。

没有脾气，放空，选择躲在自己的世界，带出一个不属于我的我给大家。。

还有，

不要说我厉害，如果你选择问其他人，应该这样说我也不会给你们意见让你们自生自灭；
不要说精英佛光之家好，如果你们不参与；（用行动表示）
不要说我压力，如果你没有参与；（不要跟我随便判定）
不要跟我说你不会，如果你不学；
不要批评我，如果你们没有检讨自己；
不要不知道而下定论；
不要要求我，如果你没有要求你自己。

各位，
别问我什么事，
也别问我说的是谁，

这是给全部人的话，我对一切东西极度失望，

失望 = 绝望

绝望 = 死亡！

我是双鱼座死鱼！

September 18 : KIM Birthday

Before kim birthday that night, all of us is order by somebody to ignore her "kao Kao", well, really pity her, whole night nobody 1 2 chat with her..

Her birthday that day, nobody wish her, pretend duno everything.. Well, actually we behind that already plan many things. They plan to have celebration in Mc.Donald. What i did is told kim : shireen ask us after class go her office wait her together go lunch.. We finally go down after all things had prepared by all friends that already in Mc.Donald.. When KIM step into the smoking area, she are so so touch i can see she terkejut why so many ppl suddenly..hahah!! no cake but got donut..hahah!!!

She is a funny girl for me, she laugh many and talk many..i glad to know her, i just hope she wont like my 1 friend although they look same type..I think she is much more better than her..Yap!! First impression for me she is a really noisy and loud speaker girl, well , now i noe she is special girl..

September 1 : Yin Yee birthday

盈伊，一個我覺得非常特別的因緣安排的朋友。。

誰都沒有想到他其實只是康寧和興勇認識的朋友，就因爲我簡單的一個問：你要參加生活營工委嗎？除了成就了一個簡單的生活營也把他拉進了我們的生活裏。很感動對吧？就因爲他說的：我什麽都不會，只想學習。就因爲這一句話，就成就了他自己參與生活營的工委，就因爲生活營他開始跟我們的感情好了很多。

我想他真的讓我跌破眼睛的人，從來沒有見過一個怎麽好學的人，他的謙虛，他的好學，他的用心往往超出了我的想象，也同時讓我自己警惕自己要像他這樣好學。我會讓我想給他他真正需要的東西，我也希望我可以給他可以學習得到更多的東西，他在我心裏地位，遠遠的超過我自己想象的地位，只是看他自己是否能接受他所謂給人感到壓力的人。或許這就是因緣，因緣造成了今天他在我心裏的地位。

最後祝她生日快樂，一個珍貴的母難日。

August 26 : The first time.

The first time clubbing with friends..

I will join for clubbing bcoz i really want to know why y brother like to go there, i just want to take a look..I when but i feel i just ok with the environment only...well well well, go there for fun can la, no really exited for me actually...I more like PUB and cafe...haha!!

Many things happen that day..first is kenny he angry ppl late and he angry and go bck home from my house...Kim and will also get high temper cause of cant decide where to go after said that library is many ppl...then lastly my brother introduce us to go santuary in the curve, its no cocer charge and also no checking.

Haha!!! This is our history and memory, bcoz quite many friends also first time go..

August 17: Kenley Birthday

Kenley birthday. Nothing special but its is a very very warm party in wilson house. they cooking lagsania and spaghetti. Well, is normal with male cooking the foods in our geng. All the time also guy will cook then girl oni eat. This time also same, girl mostly help in do some "sap shui" things, they will main in cooking.

Dont think that they cook is not nice, is nice! and dont guess its we girl duno how to cook. Is just boy like to cook and they cook is really really pro then maybe our mother. (in specific foods)

Happy Birthday to Kenley !

15th College Prom Night

Beginning we not really want to go this function. After we had a good relationship with Shireen, we actually persuade by her to go the prom night. As i know, this event is her last event she organize. Because of this, she need to pay herself with the extra table who no full enough.

I decide to go because she really help us many in work & organization this subject, beside this she also last year. Jasmine also hope she can had a good memory with us because she very less had a good opportunity to join any activity with us.

Although we had a camp in hand, we also try our best to arrange ourself to attend the prom night. We make up and dress up in Dong Zen, and then straight away go to prom night. Is tired, but this is really leave a good memory for all of us. We dance together, we crazy together.

Finally End!!!

Really a big big tease for me in this 4 days 3 nights. 2 activity in same day,really make me crazy and pressure. In sound of huamn world semi final i in charge in Admin is also a part of my part time job in this semester break; in our youth you love i am a preparatory committee and only me who joined before the previous year camp. 13th about evening we start to go into the camp, start to had a preparation for the camp.

This camp i only help for 13th and 14th, only in this 2 day, we had fun, angry, sad, blur, serious and many more. I can see all of the committee really hard working and serious in doing anything. This make me very touch. Although they no experience they duno, they still try their best to succeed it.

Somethings make me angry is some people are trying to take their authority to complain and command my lovely committee, they not even know all my lovely committee background, they also no even clearly understand wat they doing, who say they follow whole structure of the camp, they did changes to many part is tried to make the buddhist camp fromtraditional to modern so that can attract more youth. They just know want to do and say watever they 1.. i feel really no fair for my lovely committee, i feel angry if ppl tried to bully my committee. so i start to had a bad feeling for them, cause i dont want my lovely committee will because of them and leave the buddhist forever, they are new in buddhist and no experience, why you all want to complain them? why u all want to scold them? As a senior, do you know that wat u all done will directly decide the junior either leave or stay? I used almost 4 month for waiting the predestined relationship to come and i did to create a predestined relationship for youth to Buddhist, you just can used 1min to let them leave. Dont all of ppl know that, we need to be modest to everyone? Confucious also said b4, no matter you are younger than me or older than me, you also can be my teacher. We here is to enhance Buddhist to youth not to kick, not all you had the biggest authority. For me, oni sifu got the authority to scold us.

Anyway, i feel better after i talk to our papa ( mr.sunny). Although many complain from committee about their unhappy of certain things, they also feed back many things they happy after end of the camp. We chit chat in mamak with a really happy situation. Really thank you all of you! Love you all so much! I really appreciate you all.

In sohw semi final i not feeling anythings, cause i noe i just keep on chase and chase, pressure and pressure, not really enjoy the process. In the event i did enjoy with contestants. i try my best to done all the job before i in the camp. But then also many things last minute, i really need to thanks Rebecca and Mei Qin, they back up me many many and also help me many many without control all my time. If dun have they all, i really will die anytime. Well, in this event, sometime i feel really no mood, maybe because of some people are irritating, they feel they are "know" enough, keep on "suan" me and also some time dun1 2 hear ppl opinion. They actually dun noe that wat is actually good, but they just hear the surrounding and exterior things. Well, i ok for it, i keep on control myself to no angry with them cause i know their attitude is like this. Beside this, in this event i know many friends, because i am the 1 who contact all contestant about semi final information. Quite many friends is actually from KL and Selangor. Well, really hapi, if got opportunity i rather to be their nanny compare to admin. Haha!

8th August : Kenny birthday in Morib

Today Kenny Birthday, we planned to go Morib for his birthday. Before that day i had a bad bad mood because of my geng many people going to work seen open new semester. Maybe i cant accept the truth, maybe i too expected when i received the news to go A Famosa. Well, i cant do anythings, because i feel i will be sellfish if i ask them dun1 go to work. If only i joinning the camp, is no interesting for me. I know the feeling very well, seen last time in A Famosa with oni 1 representative from HICT, many people asking, many people wandering. Let me dun hv a nice feeling of "A family" or "A team".. Sad~

Morning, nobody dare to talk to me except jasmine and kenley, maybe they duno what happen in yesterday night. Anything is ok after that day, cause i ad accept the truth.

25 - 27 July Redang !!

My hopefully place finally coming..This trip planning come really fast, if i no mistaken is 3 week before going we oni decide want to go Redang..No cheap, i considering although ad told JM want to go for the trip..I scare he will say me again, so finally i decide to go..

Because of going Redang, i need to go to work in semester break. Haiz...Well Well Well, i din regret to go there, is a really nice nice nice memory..If can, i would to go back there with my family..

The last day of final exam night we depart from klang to Terrenganu, is really a rush rush trip for me, it make me exited in exam, make my final paper had no mood to sit..Wakaka! A good experience with this, earlier morning eat in Terengganu china town, i start to feel we had a nice nice relationship between all my geng!

Let try a look with some photo :